In this narrated video essay, we present the absolute cheesiest tale about Charlemagne (r. 768-814) that was recorded by the medieval monk and historian, Notker the Stammerer (c. 840-912). With direct quotations from the medieval text and historical artworks to help illustrate the scene, prepare to be regaled about Charlemagne’s peculiar cheesy experience with one of the bishops of his realm.
[Video Timestamps]
00:00 Notker the Stammerer
01:10 Charlemagne, the Bishop, and Cheese
03:15 Notker Quote
04:34 Cheesy Logistics
05:48 Bishop Epilogue
06:05 Outro
All of the artworks and stock clips used in the video were labeled as Public Domain or free use at the time of the video’s creation.
Video Music
Free To Use Gregorian Chant Music Royalty Free “Camelot Monastery”
By Darren Curtis (https://www.youtube.com/@DarrenCurtisMusic, https://www.darrencurtismusic.com)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4Vgb8UC07I
Medieval: The Old Tower Inn (CC0) Full Track + Loop
By Random Mind (https://www.youtube.com/@randommynd)
https://youtu.be/zFO3Jyr-mZ4?si=RK3fcM5BKiLg0dGc
License: Creative Commons CC0 https://creativecommons.org/public-domain/cc0/
[Free Medieval Tavern Music] “Ale and Anecdotes” Royalty Free Fantasy RPG Theme
By Darren Curtis (https://www.youtube.com/@DarrenCurtisMusic, https://www.darrencurtismusic.com)
https://youtu.be/y6v8TbhMWDE?si=oDkPZ-iAQ5I_Gxh-
[Video Transcript]
In the 880s, a monk named Notker the Stammerer decided to write about the life of Charlemagne, the famous king of the Franks who took power in 768 and died in 814. Notker’s only major biographical predecessor on the subject was Einhard, who wrote his Life of Charlemagne in the 820s. Notker the Stammerer, as a monk, felt that Einhard neglected the subjects of religion and the church in his coverage of Charlemagne’s life. Therefore, Notker, in his own work, The Deeds of Charlemagne, pointedly filled nearly the entire first book of his project with numerous bizarre stories involving prominent clergymen in Charlemagne’s empire. These tales, told to Notker by an enigmatic cleric named Werinbert, were unfortunately often left devoid of names, locations and dates, so it is difficult to assign any concrete historical validity to the tales. Even so, the strange stories are immensely entertaining and can give a window into the mind of a 9th-century audience.
One of Notker’s stories told of an anonymous bishop who managed property along an inland route that Charlemagne used frequently for his travels. While the king of the Franks was there, the unnamed bishop offered the king his hospitality, supplying food and drink from his own stores. The local church estates had plenty of supplies to feed the monarch, but a problem occurred on one particular trip. For one, in that specific incident in question, the king’s journey through the land had been provoked by unexpected circumstances, so the bishop had little time to prepare. Secondly, adding further complexity to the mix, the king arrived in the bishop’s territory on the day of a Friday Fast and, as a devout Christian, Charlemagne refused any dish made with meat from land animals or birds. Fish was an acceptable meal for the fast, but as the king was in an inland bishopric, Charlemagne would have been long gone before any fresh seafood could be carted into town. Unfortunately for Charlemagne, all that the bishop could provide on that Friday was cheese.
Surrounded by his attendants and the bishop, Charlemagne prepared for his meal. As the bishop blushed with embarrassment, a wheel of cheese was brought before the king. It was the best cheese that the region had to offer, but it must have looked unappetizing, especially the rough, dry edges of the wheel. According to the tale, Charlemagne withheld any comment and silently cut away the edges, intending to eat only the smooth and creamy center. When the bishop realized what the king was doing, he hesitantly approached and lightly commented that Charlemagne had cut away the best part. As the tale goes, Charlemagne trusted the bishop and looked for the choicest section of the unseemly hardened ends of the cheese. He cautiously ate a selected piece, slowly but methodically devouring the specimen. When the king finally swallowed the cheese, he enthusiastically turned to the bishop and agreed that the ends were delicious. On this curious scene of Charlemagne and his feast of cheese, Notker the Stammerer wrote:
“On that same journey he came unexpectantly to a bishop who lived in a place through which he had to pass. Now on that day, being the sixth day of the week, he was not willing to eat the flesh of beast or bird; and the bishop, being by reason of the nature of the place unable to procure fish quickly, ordered some excellent cheese, rich and creamy, to be placed before him. And the most moderate Charles, with the readiness which he showed everywhere and on all occasions, spared the blushes of the bishop and required nothing else; but taking up his knife cut off the skin, which he thought unsavoury, and fell to on the white of the cheese. Thereupon the bishop, who was standing near like a servant, drew closer and said: ‘Why do you do that, lord emperor? You are throwing away the very best part.’ Then Charles, who deceived no one, and did not believe that anyone would deceive him, on the persuasion of the bishop put a piece of the skin in his mouth, and slowly ate it and swallowed it like butter. Then approving of the advice of the bishop, he said: ‘Very true, my good host…’” (Notker the Stammerer, The Deeds of Charlemagne, 1.15)
Charlemagne was so delighted with the taste of the cheese that he demanded two full carts of the stuff to be shipped to his capital at Aachen on an annual basis. The king even specified how the cheese should be shipped: The cheese wheels were to be cut in half, with the best halves going to the king and the lesser sections staying behind with the bishop. The king’s cheese selections would then be skewered together and placed in a barrel, which, in turn, would be placed in the two carts that would carry the cheese to Aachen.
For three years the bishop meticulously carried out Charlemagne’s orders, slicing, selecting, skewering, barreling and shipping the two cart loads of the excellent cheese to Aachen each year. The burden of finding enough pristine cheese to meet the king’s demands was no easy task, yet the bishop always met his quota and, on the third year, he even drove the carts to Aachen himself. After the third annual shipment was received at Aachen, Charlemagne released the dutiful bishop from the job of being the king’s supplier of cheese. Perhaps, Charlemagne recognized the effort it took for the bishop to collect the cheeses, or the king could have simply grown tired of cheese after three years. Whatever the case, Charlemagne rewarded the clergyman for his three years of service by presenting the bishop with new tracts of fertile lands, which were pristine for the cultivation of grain and wine vineyards. So ended the Absolute Cheesiest Tale About Charlemagne.
Written by C. Keith Hansley.
Written Sources:
- Two Lives of Charlemagne, by Einhard and Notker the Stammer, translated by David Ganz. New York: Penguin Classics, 2008.
- Carolingian Chronicles: Royal Frankish Annals and Nithard’s Histories, translated by Bernhard Scholz and Barbara Rogers. Ann Arbor Paperbacks / University of Michigan Press, 1972.
Art sources:
- https://www.europeana.eu/
- https://cyfrowe.mnw.art.pl/en/home
- https://www.si.edu/openaccess
- https://www.metmuseum.org/art/collection
- https://www.clevelandart.org/art/collection/search
- https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/collection
- https://digitalcollections.nypl.org/
- https://search.getty.edu/gateway/landing
- https://artvee.com/
Video stock footage sources
